Title: Battle Wagon
Author: Owen McManus
Draft date: 04/01/2019
INT. SMOKEY ROOM. A ROUND TABLE SITS UNDER THE SINGLE POOL OF LIGHT IN THE ROOM. A PILE OF MAPS AND BLUEPRINTS LAY STREWN IN THE CENTER. THERE IS A GROUP OF GRIM LOOKING MEN AND WOMEN POSITIONED AROUND THE TABLE ON WOOD AND METAL STACKING CHAIRS.
SARGE
You know why I called you here. Ya'll are the meanest bunch of miscreants that I have ever had the misfortune to come across, and it pains me to say that this, but your country needs you.
BILLSON
Again.
Billson chomps a half finished cigar and tips the chair back .
SARGE
Yes Billson. Again. Now I'm not going to beat around the bush. This mission is dangerous. Some of you might not be coming home. There won't be any state funerals for those who don't, and there won't be any medals for those that do.
CARLILE
We already ghosts, ain't we. Don't bother me none.
Nodding and grunts of acknowledgement from around the table.
SARGE
Okay, okay. Before we get to the briefing, I do have one issue I would like addressed.
BILLSON
Sarge, you're really going to question me and my team. After Tokyo, after Berlin, after Montreal?
SARGE
Now I know that your team has a solid track record with these kinds of Ops. I know that you will do what needs doing to get the job done. That's not the problem. I just have one question.
ZHANG
(clearly annoyed)
Spit it out.
SARGE
Where is the battle wagon.
Team shoot confused looks at each other.
Billson raises a hand to settle the team down.
BILLSON
The what?
SARGE
The battle wagon.
Team continues to look confused. They have no idea what the sergeant is talking about.
SARGE
In Zaragosa. The van you welded armor panels and machineguns to and used to break into the arms dealers fortress.
ZHANG
Oh, the Steel Zephyr. He's talking about the Steel Zephyr. Yeah. Had to ditch it in the Ebro.
SARGE
Okay, so why is it in the river?
CARLILE
Had tae douse it to deactivate the Super C-4 strapped to the bottom, didn't we.
TIMMINS
(points a mocking thumb at Sarge)
Sounds like he never had to drown some Super C-4. I suppose that's why you hire the experts.
SARGE
Alright. Fair enough. Bottom of the Ebro. So where's the one you built out of a train engine in Dhaka.
ZHANG
The Light Rail Ravager! Oh, I miss her. Really packed a punch and extra roof space for the missile racks.
SARGE
And where is it? In the river?
BILLSON
Lake.
Sarge shakes his head for a moment.
SARGE
Do you folks see my problem.
BILLSON
Not really Sarge. Speak plain and we'll see what we can do for you.
SARGE
How many missions did you run for us last year?
BILLSON
Timmins?
TIMMINS
17 Boss. If you count the Federico twins as 2.
SARGE
Sure. 17. And how many battle wagons did you build?
Timmins considers for a moment.
TIMMINS
Including the Steel Zephyr?
SARGE
Yes. All the battle wagons.
ZHANG
Can we stop calling them battle wagons. They got names.
SARGE
Fine. How many.
TIMMINS
18
SARGE
You didn't even run that many missions.
ZHANG
Built two in Daegu. Carlile had his own.
CARLILE
Only 'cause Timmins said I had the Kimchi farts and I didnea.
SARGE
You built a battle-
Zhang pulls a sour look.
SARGE
Okay, okay. I don't care why. Do any of you know what one of those monstrosities costs?
CARLILE
Well we don't buy 'em. We build 'em, don't we.
SARGE
I buy them. I pay for them. Every time I hire you for a mission I pay the expenses. Armor plating, cannon shells, caltrops, arc welders. I have to bury all your battle wagons in secret budgets and military slush funds. By the way, why do you need a new arc welder every time? Why don't you use the old one?
BILLSON
I think we are all missing the bigger picture here. We ran 18 Ops-
TIMMINS
17.
BILLSON
17 Ops. Every single one of them a resounding success.
SARGE
In Tampa you drove a Russian fighter jet through a mall.
TIMMINS
You sent us that jet.
SARGE
Yes. Because I thought you were going to fly it. You turned it into a tank!
BILLSON
We saved the world from Moloch and his global terrorists.
SARGE
Where is it now?
TIMMINS
The mall?
SARGE
The battle wagon! Where is it now.
ZHANG
The Suffering Butterfly.
SARGE
What?
ZHANG
That's her name. The Suffering Butterfly.
SARGE
I don't care! Where is it?
ZHANG
In the bay. I couldn't let Moloch get her.
SARGE
Could you have used the battle wagon from Tokyo to stop Moloch?
The team is confused again.
CARLILE
She's in the bay, isn't she.
SARGE
If she wasn't in the bay. Imagine just once that you reused a battle wagon. Again. On the next mission. Could you have used that battle wagon to stop Moloch.
BILLSON
(bewildered by the idea of it)
I mean, it's possible, but how would we even have gotten it out of the water?
SARGE
It was a hovercraft! I don't even know how you sank it.
CARLILE
Weren't easy. We're very good at our jobs.
SARGE
Alright, alright. The current mission is time critical. We only have 24 hours to get you in and get those hostages out. We can talk about this more when you get back.
(Sarge shuffles through some maps and pulls one to the top)
We have possible entry and extraction points here and here. Known tangos are here, here, and here.
BILLSON
(leaning back in the chair again)
No need Sarge. Me and the team already worked out the plan on the way over here. All we need from you is an attack helicopter and the biggest set of tractor tires you can find.